The Guilt of Not Loving a New Pet After Losing One

I create custom memorial items for pets and often speak with people who are grieving the loss of their beloved companions.

Today, I want to share a story based on a message I received from a customer. It’s about something not often talked about: the guilt and sadness that come when you welcome a new pet—but find that you can’t love them like you thought you would.

When You’ve Lost a Pet, Accepting a New One Isn’t Always Easy

After saying goodbye to a cherished pet, some people bring a new one into their home. But not everyone finds that transition smooth.

I often hear concerns like these:

Common Concern #1
“My family brought home a new pet so quickly, but I’m still grieving. I wasn’t ready.”

Common Concern #2
“My dog passed away. We adopted another of the same breed, one that looks a lot like them—but I keep comparing them. The bark is different. The personality is different. I just can’t connect with this new pet.”

If you’ve ever felt this way, please know: you are not alone.

What Our Customers Go Through

Case 1

Here’s one situation I hear a lot:

“It hasn’t been long since my pet passed away. I’m still heartbroken, but my family already brought home a new dog. I’m just not ready.”

This happens more often than you’d think.

First, it’s important to be honest about how you feel. Losing a pet hurts—and healing takes time.

We all grieve differently. Even within the same family, people process loss at their own pace.

At the same time, we know the new pet also deserves love and care. That’s part of what makes it so hard—you feel torn between grief and guilt.

But here’s something hopeful: when someone in the family acknowledges that pain, even just a little, it can shift everything.

A Cushion That Brought a Family Back Together

In many of these stories, it’s the adult child who has adopted a new pet, while their elderly parent—often the mother—is still grieving deeply.

One of our customers decided to give her mother a cushion made from a photo of the pet they had lost.

The result?

From a thank-you message we received:
“My husband and daughter gave me a cushion of [pet’s name]. It meant so much. I realized they hadn’t forgotten about [pet’s name] after all.”

Sometimes, that simple gift becomes a turning point.

The grief, the distance between family members, the unspoken feelings—all begin to soften.

It’s as if the pet who passed away found a way to bring everyone back together, reminding them that love doesn’t disappear. It changes, but it stays with us.

Case 2

This is a story about a customer who decided to adopt a new pet themselves.

Their family had told them it was “too soon” to bring a new pet into their lives.

And yet, over time, even the family found comfort in the presence of the new pet.

It was a complicated situation—with mixed feelings on all sides.

During this time, the customer ordered a memorial cushion for themselves, made with a photo of the pet they had lost.

When the family saw the cushion, one of them said:

“You really haven’t forgotten about [pet’s name], have you?”

When You Struggle to Love the New Pet

If you’re finding it hard to love the new pet in your life, I’d like to gently ask you to consider something:

Are you comparing them to the pet you lost?

The new pet you’ve welcomed isn’t a replacement of a deceased pet.

They’re not a reincarnation of your previous pet.

Their personality is different.
Their favorite foods might be different.
The way they bond with you will be different, too.

Expecting the same connection you had with your last pet can be overwhelming—for both of you.

It can put pressure on the new pet, and it can also make your own grief even harder to carry.

So What Can We Do?

Before we go further, let me share what I’ve come to believe:

It takes time to truly love a new pet.

Bonds don’t always form instantly.
There is no “replacement” for the one you lost.
And you will never forget them—not for the rest of your life.

And that’s okay.

It means your heart is big enough to carry both grief and love at the same time.

So give yourself time. And give your new pet time, too.

Let’s continue this conversation with that in mind.

How Long Does It Take to Bond with a New Pet?

It often takes time to truly love and connect with a new pet.

Sometimes the bond forms instantly.
Other times, it may take months—or even years.

It really depends on the personalities of both the pet and the owner, and the chemistry between them.
That’s why it’s important to understand that forming a deep connection can take a long time, and that’s perfectly okay.

Let me share a personal story.

I had one cat—a rescue from a shelter.
This cat warmed up to me right away, and we quickly became very close.

But I started to feel that this cat might be lonely on her own.
So I decided to adopt another cat—the one she had been close with during her time at the shelter.

After a two-week trial period, we officially brought the second cat home.

At first, though, I struggled to love this new cat the way I loved my first.

It’s hard to explain exactly why.
Maybe it was a matter of affection, compatibility, or something else—I’m not sure.

Even though they had gotten along well at the shelter, it was as if they had forgotten each other.
They fought often, and the harmony I had hoped for was missing.

What surprised me most was my own reaction.

When the second cat made a mistake—like missing the litter box—I felt irritated.
But when the same thing happened with my first cat, I didn’t feel that way at all.

I couldn’t understand why I felt this difference.
Even now, it’s hard to explain.

The Moment I Learned to Love My New Cat

But one day, something changed.

There was a turning point that helped me truly love my second cat.

It happened when new cat got sick.

The cat in this photo is that second cat named Maro.

One day, I noticed blood in Maro’s urine and rushed Maro to the vet.

Maro was diagnosed with a common feline condition—urinary stones.
While it’s treatable, in more severe cases, surgery is needed and it can even be life-threatening.

Thankfully, with regular vet visits, medication, and a special diet, Maro recovered.
But after that experience, something shifted.

I suddenly felt deeply connected to Maro.

And she had been with us for over a year at that point.

It was only then that I realized just how important Maro had become to me.

Bonding with a pet doesn’t happen overnight

Looking back, I started to understand something.

When my first cat came into our home, everything was new to me.
I was focused on learning how to take care of a cat for the first time—more focused on adapting to this new life than on forming an emotional bond.

Sora(first cat) scratched the sofa, tore up the curtains and shoji paper, and ran wild in the middle of the night.
Through all those little adventures—both fun and frustrating—I gradually learned about Sora’s personality, and she learned about mine.
Over time, we built a strong bond.

But for the new cat, everything was unfamiliar.

Maro was in a completely new environment.
And even though Maro had once been close to my first cat back at the shelter, they had been apart for many months.
It’s likely they no longer remembered each other.

Maro may have felt lonely, unsure, and unable to trust me at first.

By the time Maro got sick, though, something had changed.

We had spent more time together.
We had shared quiet moments and daily routines.
We had learned to trust each other, without even realizing it.

That’s when I truly understood:

A bond doesn’t form in a moment.
It takes time, patience, and shared experience.

What happened to Maro afterwards?

Maro later developed another illness and sadly passed away in the summer of 2020.

I’ve written about my experience with pet loss in more detail [here].

Looking back now, I can say with certainty that I truly loved Maro.
That brings me a quiet sense of peace and gratitude.

At the same time, I still wonder—
Was there more I could have done for Maro?
Was Maro truly happy living with us?

Those questions stay with me.

Today, Maro holds a very special place in my heart.

I cried when we said goodbye.
And even now, I still miss Maro deeply.

Love Takes Time to Grow

Some of you reading this may be struggling to fully love a new pet you’ve recently welcomed into your life.

If that’s the case, I encourage you to be patient with yourself.
You may simply be in the process of building a bond.

And especially in cases like ours—when adopting rescue cats or dogs—that bond often takes more time.

Another reason could be that you’re still holding onto memories of a previous pet, one who has passed away.

And that’s completely natural.
You’ll probably never truly forget them.

That’s why it’s okay to take your time—to slowly work through your feelings at your own pace.

You might even try telling your new pet stories about the one who came before.

Sharing those happy memories can be healing for you, and it might even help your new pet feel like they’re part of something special.
It’s your way of saying: “You’re loved here, too.”